Need to Take Back Control of Your Life?
Copyright 2011 Tony Mase – All Rights Reserved
Everyone falls victim to complaining every now and again. That’s why “venting” is such a popular pastime! However, if you genuinely believe your life isn’t what it should be, complaining isn’t going to help.
Excessive complaining makes everyone uncomfortable. Think about someone you know who complains a lot. Chances are you try to avoid him – and other people do too. The last thing you want is to be “that guy” – the guy no one wants to talk to, for fear he’ll launch into a complaint rant.
So, what can you do to stop complaining and get your life back on track – instead of letting it control you?
First, you need to understand that complaining is a bad habit – much like biting your nails or picking at a scab; all it does is make things worse. Complaining may even be something you do without thinking, because it’s become such a habitual part of your life.
Many people start complaining because they’ve created a bunch of negative thoughts in their own heads. They realize they’re making their feelings of anger or frustration worse, so they try to get rid of it all by complaining.
Instead of falling victim to those negative thoughts, make a conscious effort to get rid of them. Promise yourself that you’re not going to let some negativity define who you are. Remember, your entire demeanor is based on what you think!
Similar to the way a healthy diet can help your waist line, healthy thoughts can help your demeanor. If you truly want to take control of your life and be happier, you can’t feed your mind negative thoughts. Instead, you have to understand you’re in control of those thoughts – and let them go.
But how do you let things go?
If you’re in the midst of a bunch of negative thoughts, simply letting them go can seem a whole lot easier said than done. Here’s how you can do it:
Read a book, take a bath, or do anything else that’ll calm you down. If you can’t relax right away, that’s OK. Understand that it took time for you to build up all of these negative thoughts and complaints and it’ll take time for them to go away. As long as you remain dedicated to relaxing, you’ll win the fight!
- Believe in yourself.
You can be your biggest critic or your biggest supporter; the choice is up to you. If you make a mistake, accept responsibility for it and then let it go. If you dwell on it, the negativity and your complaining will never go away.
- Surround yourself with positive things.
The more positivity you’re around, the easier it’ll be to let it naturally become part of your life – instead of always falling back on negativity. If you steer clear of negativity, eventually, all of those bad habits will turn into good ones. Like any addiction, the more you feed your complaining habit, the more it’ll take over your life. For example, if you and a certain friend always get together for drinks and wind up complaining to each other, stop going out for drinks.
- Stop blaming others.
Everyone will place blame on someone else from time to time, but blame isn’t going to make you feel better. Instead, deal with problems and move on. Again, you’ll have to work hard to remove all of the negative feelings.
If you make a serious effort to stop complaining today, you could wind up with a whole new you tomorrow!
Tony Mase is a serious student of the works of Wallace D. Wattles and the publisher of the “The Personal Power Course:bTen Lessons in Constructive Science, Teaching You How to Use Your Own Subconscious Energies for Health, Prosperity and Personal Achievement” ebook by Wallace D. Wattles…
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PS: Eight Steps to Taking Control of Every Situation in Your Life!
By Terry Rich Hartley, Ph.D.
Like it or not, we are all gladiators. We go to sleep and wake up in a social arena from which there is no escape. Challenge upon challenge confronts us, walls restrain us, and a mob of spectators mocks, sneers, or cheers us. Each and every day brings new battles whether we want them or not and whether we’re up to them or not. Life forces us to face one skirmish after another – no choice in the matter.
What we can choose, though, is which kind of gladiator to be, victor or victim.
Being a victim in this social arena translates into having bad relationships.
Most people are victims – victims of their own perceptions.
That’s because people don’t develop and listen to their own unique, authentic self. Rather they allow their mental spectators – those little tyrants rattling around in their heads – to tell them second by second how to fight their battles, what they can and cannot do. These tyrants applaud and they hiss, they encourage and they discourage.
These mental spectators are the memories of the judgments of real-life people. For example, it’s the memory of your aunt saying, “I hope you marry someone rich, because you’re not going far on brains.” It’s the echo of your father growling, “You’ve got a back problem – no spine.”
And their influence over your relationships can’t be overestimated.
Millions of people accept the judgments of their mental spectators as the truth and, therefore, the mediocre results that come from believing those judgments.
With so many people living this way, the question becomes, is this the way I have to live? Fortunately, the answer is not unless you want to.
Once you identify your mental spectators – and your interactions with them – you can move beyond victim and assume the role of victor.
What it takes are eight steps for getting command, eight steps you can apply to most any situation you want altered. You can positively influence your relationships, your employment options, any aspect of your life.
Let’s look at the steps.
1. Define What Ails You.
Ask, what’s my problem? Am I a jealous weasel, troubled that others have what I want? Am I ticked off most of the time? Am I sad and whiney? Anxiety ridden? Moody? All of the above? Without this step, you’re doomed. It will take personal courage, but you won’t get results without identifying what ails you.
2. Discover the Effects.
Ask, how are my problems affecting my life? Am I a lousy parent, a friendless dork, a backstabber, a slut, a drunk, a junkie? Am I none of the above, but someone who is less than I could be? This step requires absolute self-honesty, but the truth will help set you free.
3. Seek the Source.
Ask, from where are my problems coming? Who are my real and my mental spectators? What do my mental spectators look like, say, and do? Exactly who or what is keeping me from taking command of my life? This could be one of the most incredible experiences of your life. You will look into the abyss and see who is looking back.
4. Identify Your Role.
Ask, how am I contributing to my problems? What is my responsibility in all this? Did I decide to be a garbage disposal? Do I beat myself to death trying to please others? Do I expect things of myself that are unfair? Do I treat myself as a friend or an enemy? Do I allow my mental spectators to drive me to distraction, depression, anger, anxiety? Recognizing your role in your own problems is a positive – but scary – step toward knowing yourself and gaining personal command.
5. State Your Desires.
Ask, what do I specifically want to do about my problems? Do I want to be a doormat, a slut, a drunk, a friendless geek? Or do I want to rule my mental spectators? Do I want to stand up to a spectator, real or imagined, who puts me down? Do I want to take command of my education, my bank account, my relationships? Until you can actually list your desires in the order of their importance, you will be a victim. However, once you do this, you are on your way to being a victor.
6. Seek Options.
Ask, what are my options, and in what order should I place them? What is the first option I should concentrate on? The second one? The third? If you have a soul-sucking hangover most mornings, you might opt to give up your booze buddies for some real friends. Secondly, take the money you normally spend at bars and deposit it in a college fund for yourself or your kids. If, instead, you’re a workaholic and you want to spend more time with your kids, then DO IT. Very few people on their deathbed have said, “If I could live life all over again, I’d spend more of it at work and less with people I love.” Choices are involved here, but by weighing options and alternatives, and then making personal choices, you are taking command. Do this and you’ll begin to gain real power.
7. Learn Winning Techniques.
Ask, how do I rule my real and my mental spectators? Must I collapse in a heap when they point thumbs down? How can I learn to take charge on every level and get a grip on my life? There is no “magic” involved, but you might feel as if there is. Unlike a vanquished gladiator falling at the whim of spectators, you decide your own course.
8. Master Your Relationships.
Ask, what more can I do to master my relationships by strengthening myself and my perceptions? How do I take command right now in developing my own identification and self-worth? Congratulations! You’re working on the one person in the entire world you can work on – YOU! And any improvements in yourself can’t help but enrich your relationships with other people and the world around you.
Although this is only a brief overview of each of the eight steps for jump-starting your relationships and taking control of your life, you’d be amazed at how significant the effects of a few minor adjustments in perception can be.
Dr. Hartley is a social psychologist, a scientist, and the author of Tyrants of Self-Concept: Ruling the Rulers, a 122-page ebook that thoroughly describes the eight steps for improving your relationships, taking control of your life, and living the life you want to live. It includes easy-to-relate-to stories, examples, humor, and concrete, practical worksheets and exercises that get results fast.
“The corrupted thoughts playing in my head seemed to be never ending and they were all over the place. “Your going to lose your job. You won’t be able to pay your bills. Your car and house will be repossessed. Your wife is going to leave you. You don’t even know how to change a diaper. Your losing weight. Your sick. You can’t support your family. Your worthless! etc…” This was what I was allowing to go on in my head on a daily basis. Throw in the three life changing events and the stress associated; I completely lost it.” Read more >>